i, somehow find joy in repacking my stuff and it has exceeded the required kilos. sadface. ive been trying to keep myself on the positive side, visited my nieces, Nasirah & Nazirah this morning. it was a lot of fun! im going to miss them loads, im sure. Nasirah is just too funny, its adorable. Nazirah just perks up at anything the sister does. by far, my favourite rugrats on planet earth!

i dont really know how to express how much i'll miss my parents in words. weird dad and funny mom. then there's Adek, Abang and Baby, my pillars of strength. no matter how grouchy i can be, i know these guys wont turn their backs on me. suddenly the whole idea of leaving doesnt sound too pleasing at all.

i dont want to be seen as a weak person. i dont want people to feel sorry for me. i just want to rant my heart out. 19 long years of being so attached to the same circle of people, it'll be awkward to find that one day i'll wake up to no one familiar, no mom waking me up so early in the morning just to accompany her to eat breakfast, no sister to give that look when she's still asleep at noon, no brothers to nag at and play with, no dad to argue with for every little thing.

i dont want anyone's 'you'll be fine'. nor do i want all those 'its going to be great'.

im just feeling mellow. i need to listen to happy songs, but my itunes is well, its just not feeling me right now. oh well.