Second post of the day. I dont know why I'm doing this but I just feel like pouring my heart out. LIKE OUT WITH IT. EVERYTHING.
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And now, I dont know what to say anymore. It's like everything just went gone. I'm on a very random mood today. I was okay in the morning, happy in the afternoon and now I feel so depressed I could kill someone. Yes. It's the time of the month. But I wont blame this on that. because I'm that type of person who goes really hyper at that odd time sometimes it scares people. :\
Entah. Am I the only one here trying to make this so called "thing-between-us" right? Am I the only sane one between the two of us? What amazes me is I'm still standing here trying hard. Usually I would just walk away and let go. But not this time. There must be something wrong with me. Yeah. Someone please knock me on the head right now.
I just wish Karen is around. With her, even in the dullest day, I could get all witty and crazy. That's who I am. I'm funny. I'm crazy. I'm loud. I'm just that ordinary happy go lucky girl who loves food. Yeah. I LOVED FOOD. Now it's like I dont need it. Resulting in me being sick all the time. I havent got enough fluid in me or carbs. I'm sorry but I just dont eat anymore. So stop bugging me to eat dinner or lunch or whatever. Cause I dont. I just dont okay? Dont ask.
I dont know what to say anymore. It's like I've lost all my vocabs over night. I dont want to cry myself to sleep tonight. Sometimes I just do that because I feel bad for myself, unintentionally. For being dumb and uuum, helpless. Yeah, that. Sometimes over silly little things. Yes, I'm a big cry baby. I am.
Now I'm just waiting. And hopefully I'll start a full blown revision tomorrow for the final paper. And then start getting my ass busy with Cadet Pilot applications. Hopefully I can make the cut. Will learn to swim this holidays. It'll help built my confidence. At least. And be slimmer. I want to be a sexy pilot. lol. Oh well. It'll happen. If it doesnt, I'll just struggle my way through A-levels and graduate and then at least enter university. Anywhere is fine with me actually. But I'm really praying to get to go to the US. I know it's far away but I qualified already. UCLA. Or Berkeley. Or Yale. Yeah. I do have my future planned out. But it's just me who is just so lazy. I know if I do get serious, you'll be shock. I'm a nerd, originally, who had developed the lazy sickness over the high school years because of crazy social life. But now, my social life is basically nada. Zero. I dont go out often like I used to. Even if I do, it'd be to my cousin's place. I dont think I even have friends anymore. Sad. Pathetic. Lame. Yes.
Oh yeah. This. I BLAME YOU.
