Okay, reason being is that I cant sleep. Because I'm all upset and shit. Yes. I do get all depressed and crazy. Blame the coke I drank this afternoon. Stupid coke. Stupid me. Stupid guy.
You know, sometimes, you just have to keep your hopes high just so that one day maybe, just maybe you'll get something out of it. Being satisfied. And that's the greatest feeling on planet earth. But when small shits turns it around, your whole world changes and everything seems useless and you feel so small against everyone else.
And then there are times when everything around you makes you feel so contented with yourself and grateful. But in the end of the day you found out that it's all a lie and you feel like the whole wide world betrays you.
Who do you blame?
You blame the world, the other people, the community, just about everything else except yourself.
Now, not that I've been hit head-on on the head with reality or real life. It's just that sometimes these stuff just come randomly at very odd times of the day and I just feel so... stupid. Yeah. Good news my ass. Yes, I'm upset. Because I'm so gullible I tend to believe in everything easily. And at this point, right now, I feel like crying. Or have a long walk at the beach. Or just zone out and think. I had countless of sleepless nights to just think. I don't have enough time in the day most of the time. So yeah.
Right. It wasnt your fault. It's all your fault now I'm ranting shits when I should be in bed sleeping but no, you had to take that away too. I've lost so much interest in you so many days ago and today, tonight, you made it clear. And I realised I dont really want to get to know you anymore. At all. In every aspect. It upsets me that you cant even keep a simple promise. And later? I dont think so. Might as well drop now before I have to see another un-me me. I'm not as shallow although I do act like one most of the time. BUT I KNOW WHAT I WANT. I'm getting tired of playing hide and seek. I'm too old for that now. You put all the blame on me. Why? You said because I started the whole thing so you're just going with it. Yeah. Watch me break you for the second time in your life. WATCH ME.
Goodbye sweet past. Goodbye immature, old, childish me.
And I'm just eager now to say goodbye Brunei and get as far away as possible.
Dila.
